07 February 2008

Why Don't You Get Married Again???

It's my favorite question. Okay, I lie. But I've heard it a lot lately. From friends, from family, from the guy who delivers my eBay purchases...okay, maybe not that last one, but I swear I hear this question often.

The monsters have asked me it a few times lately too. When their dad first got remarried they asked a lot. When their baby sister was born, they asked again. Now, it was family this last weekend. I think part of that is the fact that my cousin is getting married in March and another cousin announced that she was getting married in June.

Me? Not getting married. Not any time soon.

I can't say that I haven't thought about how nice it would be some days to have someone here at home when I'm overwhelmed and just need a break from the hectic life. Or someone to listen to me kvetch about how work went that day. Or someone to just put their arm around my shoulders as we watch tv at night after the monsters have gone to bed.

Then I look at my life as it is, and think about how it was when there was someone here to do those things. And you know what? I don't miss it enough to give up my independence. I like being able to eat whatever it is that I want on the weekends when the boys are gone. I like not having to tell someone why I didn't come home right after work. I like not having to explain why I just spent money on clothes that I might not need, but really wanted. And maybe when I open up my email to a particularly idiotic email from my ex and it reminds me of everything I went through when I was married, I just get the feeling I don't have the patience for another individual's quirks and idiosyncrasies.

I've decided that I'm just too selfish any more to give enough of myself to build a relationship with another person, to the extent that I believe that marriages deserve.

I have interests and hobbies that I enjoy. I have friends and family that I spend time with doing things that interest us all. I'm by no means a solitary individual.

And I think that's what those who want to put me on the Marriage Ark can't believe. I don't think they understand that I'm happy and satisfied with the way things are. They're all paired up with their spouses and fianc├ęs, shouldn't I be? And my only answer is, "Maybe...some day...but don't count on it."

And I'm really okay with that.

Until later...